I laughed, I cried, I seriously doubted myself. I'm still holding out against Twitter and seriously reconsidering Facebook.

I received a call today from Ken Burns, from the Offices of Commercial Investigation.

Apparently, I owe $1,311.97 to Century Restoration, but if I "make some soft of good faith effort" I can avoid "legal action that can adversely affect my credit."

Does this sound like a call you received? I think this is the first time I recognize openly a scam. I know I've been scammed before, and I have even been dubbed out of $20 by a guy saying he needed money for a tow truck to move his car, but this is the first time I legitimately encountered one of the scams you watch on Dateline or 20/20.

In looking at Commercial Investigation's website, I feel a little sick to my stomach because of how obvious they're going to take you for a ride. The sick part is that it probably works.

Remember the old warning from your parents "don't take candy from strangers?" Their site and this phone call reeks of stranger's candy. They collect card information if you're inclined to pay your "debts" or make "good faith efforts" promptly.

The most comical part is Commercial Investigation's letter the Better Business Bureau. In the letter there are a number of great lines, but here are some of my favorites.

It [the collections industry] is one of those overlooked and arcane topics, like Maritime Law—the Law of the Sea—a highly complex yet under-researched area warranting more careful analysis than most journalists have time for.

This is claiming the "article" by the BBB was journalistic in nature and out of touch because they are just writing editorials on how business should be done. Since they don't know the industry, their "article" is like a travel writer's article on a foreign country.

Another gem...

The reality of our economy is that the collections industry plays a necessary role. No one company should be held accountable for being in an industry overlooked by the media and by the disinterested public. Law firms have a bad reputation when they are regarded as “ambulance chasers” or tax lawyers or collection lawyers. They still have a job to do.

Scamming people is up there with protecting laws, justice and equality. The true injustice is the lack of passion people have for scamming old grandmas.

More information on these schmucks from the Better Business Bureau's Alerts.

Since there's not really much I can do to combat these jerks, I wanted to post to inform anyone else who may recieve a call from Ken or someone from Commercial Investigations. On the side, I wanted to say SCREW YOU to all the jerks out there willing to participate in scams like this.

This next observation is by in no means unique or novel, its primarily personal.

I have read reports and heard NPR stories about the woes of Starbucks. In St. Louis, Starbucks is (or already has) closed 16 stores.

In a leaked internal memo from Charles Schultz, Schultz recognizes

Stores no longer have the soul of the past and reflect a chain of stores vs. the warm feeling of a neighborhood store.

To a Starbucks outsider, it almost seems comical to me that they didn't see this coming. Of the three Starbucks within two miles of my house, each is a drive through.

I am not going to pretend I don't ever find myself rapping off "Grande, non-fat, vanilla Americano." I drink Coffee. I purposely kept that sentence short, because when it comes down to it, if warm water passes through ground coffee bean, I'll drink it. Greasy-spoon diner coffee pot sitting out for the past 8 hours - I'll drink it. But occasionally, a pretentious cup of coffee really hits the spot.

This mood altering cup of coffee is the experience Starbucks should have been going for - not the drive though, hand held status symbols that will become as short-lived a trend as carrying your toy dog in a Louis V bag.

The instigating moment happened today for me. At the Starbucks (with drive through) I noticed they're offering "The Perfect Oatmeal." When the women before me in line ordered it the "barista" reached under the counter and grabbed a packet of oatmeal, dumped it into a paper bowl, and added hot water. This feels more like a Salad Tosser, than the perfect bowl of warm you to the soul oatmeal. All the intangible elements to a coffee shop (smelling like the burlap sack the beans came in, sipping coffee out of a stained cup, and relaxing for hours with a book) have been stripped from Starbuck and replaced by packet oatmeal, perfectly measured drinks, and drive-thru lines.

Don't even get me started about a Cashier wearing the earpiece and taking two orders at once (on in the ear piece and one in person with me).